In today's episode on the Art of Likability, we go over a technique to make your date fall in love with you with unique questions.
Has anyone ever asked you, "So...what do you do for fun?"
BORING! And then you rack your mind for answers. Should I respond with something impressive, or low-key? I just got to know this person; should I really tell them everything about myself...?
We also learn how something like Frosted Flakes (or Lucky Charms....or Cinnamon Toast Crunch...the list goes on) could be the icing on top of your date!
As a bonus, you may find this incredibly useful outside of strictly dating! I'll provide examples from my own work and personal relationships, but how you use these ideas is up to you!
Let's get a discussion going on these and jump right into the episode!
The Difference Between "Got No Clue" and Likable You
The difference between asking boring, insipid questions and engaging your dating and even making them fall in love with you starts with a bit of creativity.
You need to be creative when you get to know someone. You can't be general and make them do all the thinking, as poor little Ralph Wiggum does here:
Instead of asking a tired question like "What do you do for fun?" we have some alternatives:
"What was one of your favorite childhood movies, TV shows, or books growing up?"
This one works well because it takes your friend into the way-back machine where they can picture their childhood.
Childhood is a time of wonderful, carefree memories, and if you're able to create that emotional state, your friend will associate that with you.
"If you were stranded on a desert island and could only eat cereal for the rest of your life but you loved that cereal, which one would you bring?"
This one is definitely unique! I've also found that people have an interesting relationship with cereal: either they're still enjoying their Cheerios to this day, or they stopped eating cereal after they grew up.
Once again, cereal can potentially evoke positive a positive emotional state of childhood nostalgia in your friend.
Childhood nostalgia is just one of many positive emotional states you can radiate. There are other questions, ones that are tied to other happy memories...
"Tell me about the first country you visited."
...or tied to feelings of accomplishment and growth:
"Tell me about a mentor you had. What was it about them that you appreciated, that you wanted to see in yourself?"
Your emotional state is very powerful because it often becomes a reference for your one friend. In my speaking engagements, I find it as a reference for many friends:
Your Emotional State Makes WAVES!
One thing I've picked up from speaking to hundreds of thousands of people and audiences is that the emotional states you create are highly influential, and this applies outside of dating.
"The emotional state that people experience when they're around you is the characteristic trait that they assign to you!"
This is an impromptu picture of me speaking. I think it's a pretty accurate portrayal of my energy and emotional state while speaking to an audience. :)
"But wait Arel, I thought you were gonna drop us the G-Code on dating; what's this picture from your speaking engagements doing?" My friend, fact that I'm dropping this from my speaking engagement is a big hint that this technique can be used ANYWHERE, even outside of the dating scene!
I think of every member of an audience as "friends I haven't met yet." I let this sentiment carry through in my presentation and my demeanor. It's flows naturally because I truly believe it! And I've made great friends over the years because of this emotional state that I radiate to my audiences.
This isn't strictly for dating and audiences. What if you could carry that mentality over to one-on-one conversations in business or friendships too? It doesn't have to just be about making a new relationship.
Some of y'all are even in happy relationships, so you may be thinking that "I don't need this game on dating when I've already got the game beat!" To that I'd say: I've been married for sixteen years and been "off the market" for even longer, but I'm still dating my wife.
I'm not dating in the sense that I run up on dating websites and actively use the most likable way to start a dating conversation. I'm dating in the sense that I continue to tend one of the most important relationships in my life.
We went over quite a few unorthodox ways to keep a conversation going with anyone. If you're looking for even more ways to become a master of conversation, check out the Art of Likability's course on How to Start and Keep a Conversation Going with Anyone!