If you want to get the best out of everything, you're going to see two conflicting ideas coexist at the same time.
Remember when the ALS Ice Bucket challenge was a thing? People were dumping buckets of ice water over their head and posting videos on YouTube and Facebook. Many were now aware of this debilitating disease, and donations were made to scientific research to find a cure for the ALS disease. This was great, and a result of the popularity of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
But there were also people who asserted that dumping ice water on your head didn't really do anything to improve an ALS patient's quality of life. "If you really want to help," they suggested, "go volunteer at a hospital. Don't pour ice over your head and think it accomplished something substantial."
So was the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge useful, or useless? Reasonable to say both.
2:40: The Law of Duality: Two contradicting things can coexist.
4:20: The “Active Search for Meaning.” (thanks listener Scott Bauer!)
5:30: A lot of people tend to point the blame at other people rather themselves. What happens if you decide to take responsibility yourself?
7:00: How does this apply to likability?
8:00: If something happens that was out of your control: what can you do to learn from it?
10:30: When you actively search for meaning, you have to potential to radiate awesomeness.
12:25: The next time something doesn’t go that way, don't fight the emotion.
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There's an idea called The Law of Duality: that two conflicting things can coexist, and there are valuable lessons to be gained from both sides to a coin. And you can used this mindset to remind yourself how to get the best out of everything and anything!
In the most general terms, if something bad does happen to you, you should learn to avoid it. Perhaps it hurts that it happened, but what about the finding the best in this situation? Maybe it was a lesson, or maybe it was a test of your resilience or faith.
Maybe you lost money or time a complex project, or you simply got a speeding ticket. But the key in both cases is not to dwell on the "loss." Instead, find out how you can learn and improve yourself so that you won't make the same mistake twice.
And here's a useful reframe for that "cost" you had to pay:
“Whenever something bad happens to you, the lesson that you gain from it is the tuition that you had to pay to learn that lesson.”
ALWAYS Take Responsibility.
Picture this: on your way driving to the airport, you know you'll JUST make it in time for your flight. But then the unthinkable occurs--a car accident that results in extensive traffic delays. Now you're sitting in your car, rather than sitting on an airplane seat.
The normal, everyman instinct is to say it's not your fault. Those guys should have driven better and been more aware of the road situation. It's not your fault.
I respectfully disagree. Instead, here's an opportunity for you to take responsibility! This incident was an indication that you should leave on time more promptly, so as to account for any unplanned accidents along the way. And the next time, you'll be cruising through the air off your on your business trip or vacation, rather than cruising in traffic at 2 miles per hour!
This is just one example of infinitely many-you'll have to do some legwork to see how this idea applies to your situation. But regardless of the circumstances, always take personal agency over getting stuff done--make sure you can control what you can control.
From Responsibility to Likability
Once people notice that you take responsibility for seeing a project through and your focus on the positives and the lessons to be learned, this provides to groundwork for building your strong likability.
You're not the guy who mopes and complains about misfortune. You're not the girl who needs the situation to be "just perfect," everybody else bending over backwards to get your job done. Instead, you direct yourself and other people to the positives and the lessons to be learned.
So if you find yourself stressed a lot, try this: stress can come from focusing a lot on the negative outcomes (real and potential). So take a deep, long look at the positives-what you can learn, and what you've already learned. You're not going through a period of despair-instead, you're growing.
Sharpening your skills, business and personal relationships, and your overall likability game.
In summary, I think you're always improving and getting better, but that's really up for you to decide. ;)
Stay tuned and stay awesome!
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