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Guys, I want to talk about something I've noticed in conversation one too many times. This is how NOT to do active listening:
Have you ever told a story to a friend and heard an endless stream of "yeah...yeah...yeah..?"
More like "zzz...zzz...zzz..." am I right? Hey man, if you want to take a nap, you don't have to do it in front of me!
I call this OVERAFFIRMING.
Overaffirming sucks because it pretends to be interested while coming off as completely uninterested.
How would you feel if someone overaffirmed you? You would feel a bit of disrespect right?
Here's the Fix:
Use silence. Silence is golden.
Save your affirmations for amazing ideas that your friend shares with you. Here's how that looks:
You: (silence as you listen)
Friend: "...I remember one time I went diving when I got to see a whale for the first time..."
You: "Whoah! That's pretty cool. How was that?"
If you think about it, silence is pretty strong for you as a listener. When you DO chime in with commentary, you hold the key to showering congratulations on your friend and making them feel like a superstar.
More Ways to "Congratulate" Your Friend:
- "I never thought of it like that before!"
Keep in mind that all these are said with a certain tone of voice. This is the kind of tone that shows wonder, excitement, and affirmation of interest....
...the exact opposite of overaffirming!
I hope we in the Art of Likability family can all see how overaffirming is a garbage move to pull! I'll talk about this and more advanced tips in an upcoming FREE LIVE WEBINAR!
We'll be discussing advanced likability tips and additional future content for all of the Art of Likability family to enjoy! You'll get to discuss and ask me questions live!
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